Akatsuki Horror Series: Zetsu Conchita
by Tyranno's girl
Summary: Usually, there's nothing wrong with a picky-eater, right? So why does our master look at us with such hungry eyes? Horror Two-Shot based on the song, 'Conchita, The Epicurean Daughter of Evil'.
1. Sai's Story

**A/N: It's the much anticipated (at least by me) second part of the Akatsuki Horror Series. To anyone who read the previous installment (****Akatsuki Horror Series: Alice of Human Sacrifice****, if you haven't read it, please go to my profile and read it and review, pretty please?! *on her knees and begging*), you should note that the stories aren't related but they are both based on Vocaloid songs. This one is based on the song '****Conchita, the Epicurean Daughter of Evil'**** by the Vocaloid Meiko Sakarine (and yes, that is Meiko's official last name). If you know the song, great! But I, being the yaoi fan-girl that I am, had to add a few twists. So here we go! **

**Disclaimer- I don't own Naruto, Vocaloid, or anything but my ideas. **

**Now, as everybody in America sits down to enjoy their luscious Holiday dinners with their loved ones, please, take this story in consideration. **

* * *

**Akatsuki Horror Series: The Ballad of Zetsu Conchita**

_"Over the teeth and past the gums, _

_Watch out stomach, here it comes!"_

**-**Anonymous

"Would you two hurry up?! My clothes are getting soaked!" Sai yelled as he ran towards a large tree to get shelter from the bad weather that had suddenly rolled in. Sasuke Uchiha and Naruto Uzumaki finally trudged their ways over to the tree where the short-haired brunette stood, slightly shivering. Naruto shook himself, much like a dog would, before asking,

"Where are we going to stay tonight guys? I don't think that we can make it to the next hostel through this weather." The pale brunette and the pale navy-blunette looked at each other quietly. This trip was slowly turning into a disaster. The three teenagers (Sasuke, Sai, and Naruto) were university students back in their native Japan. Every year, Sasuke and Sai took some trip to some random part of the world, seeing as they were cousins and such. Sasuke was majoring in photography and Sai in art, so they had an excuse to travel. So this year, when they decided to go to Spain, they decided to take their love Naruto along. And yes, _their_ love.

"Don't worry, Koi." Sai cooed, walking over to the shaking blonde, "I'll find somewhere nice and warm for us to rest up at and..."

"We." Sasuke stated sternly. "_We'll_ find somewhere nice and warm for us to rest up." Naruto rolled his eyes and took a couple of steps away. He loved having two boyfriends. The birthdays and Christmases were great now that he had people to spend them with (sure, he had friends, but they would always be gone around those times) and the sex was none short of amazing. But the two always had to conflict about something. Sometimes the testosterone levels in their dorm back home would rise so much that Naruto would have to leave while the two sorted out their differences. As the yells of 'Moron' and 'Dickless' came up, the blonde sighed before going to the other side of the tree.

"I just wanted a nice vacation and..." Blue eyes looked up as he saw something in the distance. It looked like... "Is that a castle?" Naruto asked, and the two cousins finally stopped their bickering long enough to walk over and see what their lover was talking about.

"Hm. It does _look_ like a castle." Sai murmured. Sasuke scoffed,

"Why would a castle be all the way out here? It's probably just a mansion or something." The Navy-blunette picked up his backpack and continued, "But either way, let's go and see what the hell it is. Maybe they'll be kind enough to let us in until the rain lets up." They all agreed and quickly ran towards the direction of the large building.

* * *

"In your face, Sasuke!" Was the first thing that came out of Sai's mouth when the trio arrived at the large door in front of the building. It was a giant rustic castle with an elegant Spanish flair to it. It was colored a deep mahogany and viridian and was surrounded with what used to be a garden but what was now brown and black foliage. Sasuke scoffed,

"Well excuse me, princess!"**(1)** Sai frowned. "It just seems odd that there would be a castle here in the middle of Spain's country-side and that the map wouldn't say anything about it." Sasuke brought out his laptop and brought up the map he had downloaded before the trip. Sai sighed,

"You and your damn laptop. Can you go anywhere without that thing?"

"Why should I?" Sasuke raised an eyebrow in response. Naruto shook his head. Here they go again, about something that shouldn't even be argued about. Naruto sighed and reached a hand towards the door-knob. However, when his hand touched the cold metal, something shot through his mind.

_"Now… I'll eat them all!!!"_

Naruto immediately jumped back, as if something had burned him. This finally snapped the two cousins out of their growing argument. "Dobe, what is it?" Sasuke asked when he saw the look of shock on the blonde's face. Naruto was quiet for a second, trying to figure out exactly what had just happened. But soon, he just shook his head and smiled,

"Nothing, just cold is all." Sai smiled,

"Then let's go in, Koi. If someone does live here, they show up after we get inside." And with that, all three of the teens pushed the heavy doors. The heavy, forest-green doors slowly groaned opened and the three teens walked in.

Everything inside was covered in a thick veil of dust: from the furniture, to the marble floors, to the chandelier, covered in melted wax from past candles, that hung from the ceiling. "Someone sure hasn't paid the house-keeper in a while." Naruto commented, looking around the vast main room.

"Dobe, it's obviously an abandoned castle. Everyone's probably long gone… or dead." Naruto flinched.

"D-Dead?" Sai scoffed and walked in further, stating,

"Sasuke, don't scare Naruto with your emo view on things. This place was obviously just… just…" Sai trailed off and took a deep breath, immediately sputtering and coughing from doing so. "What the hell?!" He gasped. Sasuke and Naruto ran over and immediately saw what Sai was retching about. Or rather smelled.

"Sasuke..?" Naruto whined, covering his nose. Sasuke followed the blonde's example and covered his nose and mouth. Sadly, the navy blunette recognized the smell.

"Rotten flesh?" He questioned to no one in particular.

_The Apostate Castle smells so very rotten…_

Something clicked in Sasuke's mind and he walked to the center of the room and looked around. Sai and Naruto simply looked on as a smile slowly grew on the navy-blunette's face. Sasuke turned around once more and then asked, "Guys, do you know where we are?" Naruto shook his head but Sai walked over and looked around. Naruto followed and asked,

"What is it, where are we? Guys, answer me!" Sai shivered but Sasuke kept on smiling as the artist replied,

"The Apostate Castle… We're in… the Apostate Castle…" Naruto asked, still confused.

"The what castle?" Sasuke finally spoke up,

"Remember when we went to that Vocaloid concert, Dobe?**(2)**" Naruto had to think for a while but nodded slowly. "The first song that Meiko sang, what was it called?" Naruto hummed as he tried to remember. That had been a wild night, he had been ecstatic that Sasuke had gotten Vocaloid tickets for all three of them. But what was Sasuke getting at? The song was…

"'Conchita the Epicurean Daughter of Evil'?" Sasuke nodded and continued, bringing out his laptop and turning it on.

"Right. Dobe, did you know..." He turned on the photography-program that he had installed for all of his traveling. "That that song was based on true events?" Naruto started to shiver at this point but Sasuke, being the dedicated photographer began to take pictures of his surroundings and continued his explanation. "Only Conchita wasn't a woman…" There was a gasp from the nearby hallway. Sasuke and Naruto walked over to where the noise originated and found Sai almost petrified.

"Sai!" Naruto exclaimed, "What is it?" Sai quietly pointed a finger in front of himself and the other teens looked at what he pointing at. Sasuke gasped and Naruto's blue eyes widened as he saw what Sai had seen. It was a large painted picture of two people in front of a castle that looked a lot like the one they were in. One of them looked very young with palish skin, wide brown eyes, short, ruffled black hair and they wore a red and green gown while sitting on a golden chair. The figure looked calm but very scared; almost flinching under the hand that was touching them. The other figure, standing next to the first, was a tall, lean man with short-cut green hair, dressed in a fine green suit and he looked down on the teens with a stern frown and hungry yellow eyes. "Who are they? I like the dress…"

Sasuke looked at the bottom of the painting and saw an golden engraving that read,

"El Maestro Zetsu Conchita y Su Novia Tobi." Naruto raised an eyebrow and said,

"And for those of us who don't know Spanish?"

"'The Master Zetsu Conchita and his Bride Tobi.'" Sai translated, still shaken up. Naruto jumped up, turned to Sasuke and gasped,

"Wait, Sasuke, can we get out of here? I really think that Sai needs some help and…" As Naruto went on about how they should get out of the castle, he didn't notice Sai rising up, as silent as a panther, and grabbing Naruto's shoulders. "AAAHHH!!!" Naruto must have jumped twice the length of the hall in one bound, he was so scared! Sai stood up and he and Sasuke burst into peals of laughter at their blonde lover's reaction.

"Koi…" Sai panted between laughs, "Honestly, you need to learn to relax!" Sasuke added,

"Yeah, ha ha, Dobe! Lighten up!" Naruto watched incredulously as his two boyfriends laughed at him. He almost went into one of his signature rages, but he didn't. He just stood up, wiped his clothes off and frowned,

"That wasn't very nice. Stupid bastards and their pranks..." He walked back towards the main room through the hall and saw another large painting.

Meanwhile, Sai sighed, "Great... Now he's mad at us." Sasuke scoffed,

"You're sounding like it's all my fault. Anyway, I..." Sasuke stopped mid-sentence and took a picture of the painting. He looked at the picture on his lap-top then the painting on the wall and then asked, "Was that there before?" Sai raised an eyebrow,

"What?" Sasuke walked up to the painting and ran his fingers along something. As Sai looked closely, the something turned out to be numbers. "8/21..." He read what was written in fine black ink across Tobi's chest. Then, Sasuke raised the light of his laptop to Zetsu's side and saw what looked like scratch-marks. But it was actually another number.

"9/15?"

"What does that mean?" Sai asked but then Naruto's voice rang out from down the hall,

"Hey! Can you guys come over here? I need a translation!" The two cousins followed Naruto's voice until they saw the blonde staring at another painting. This one, still in front of the Apostate Castle, was of two men. One tall and muscular, with messy blue hair, piercing black eyes and wore a white suit with a matching apron. The other was shorter than the first, with pale skin, long, black hair, serene brown eyes, and wore a red suit while holding a book. "Well Teme..." Naruto began, "What does it say?" Sasuke looked at the bottom of the painting and read the inscription.

" El Jefe de Cocina Kisame y el Consejero Itachi." Naruto growled,

"Again with the Spanish, Sasuke?" Sai translated,

"'The Chef Kisame and the Advisor Itachi'." Naruto nodded and turned away from the painting as Sasuke took another picture. The navy-blunette then saw more numbers. Across Kisame, someone wrote, '6/17', and on Itachi they wrote, '12/6'. Just then, Naruto found one last painting and called over,

"Here's another one!" When they all looked at it, they saw a man with short red hair, and calm brown eyes, wearing a black and white suit. Then, on his side, what looked like a long, blonde-haired girl with bright, azure eyes, wearing a black and white dress. Sasuke took a picture before he read and translated,

"'The Butler Sasori and the Maid Deidara'." Sai looked closely at the painting and saw more numbers.

"1/13..." Was on Sasori and "6/25.", was on Deidara. Naruto stretched out and yawned, asking,

"So, did they work here or something?" Sasuke nodded and walked back to the first picture that they saw.

"And they were all under the reign of one Zetsu Conchita."

* * *

"So, here's the plan." Sasuke stated, rolling out his own sleeping bag on the floor of the main room. "We spend the night here and leave first thing in the morning. Hopefully we'll make it to the next hostel by then." Sai and Naruto nodded and then Sasuke brought out a portable lantern and turned it on, hoping that it would provide a little bit of warmth. "So, I guess that's good night then." Sasuke laid back and started to try and fall asleep. Soon, they were all trying to follow Sasuke's example but after so many tosses and turns, Naruto sat up and whispered,

"Guys..." No response.

"Guys..!" Silence.

"I know you assholes aren't asleep already, so wake up!!" Both brunettes sat up, groaning and mumbling.

"Koi, what is it now?" Naruto sighed and tilted his head back so that he was looking at the ceiling.

"I can't sleep." He stated, matter-of-factly. Sasuke and Sai sighed. From personal experience back at their university, they both knew that if Naruto couldn't sleep, then no one could. Sai thought for a while and then smirked, asking,

"Koi, do you want to hear a story?" Naruto beamed and got closer to the two, cheering,

"Woo, bedtime story!" Sasuke silently raised an eyebrow towards his cousin but Sai just mouthed the words, 'Follow my lead.' Sasuke then let a smirk grow on his face as he made himself comfortable. Sai began,

"A long time ago in Spain, there was a grand castle by the name of Apostate..."

* * *

The day when Maestro Orochimaru Conchita passed away from this world was a solemn day for those who only looked at the main picture. There was a grand funeral service at the Verde Cathedral and everyone was heartbroken.

Or at least, tried to be.

This could be said especially for the four men in the front row of pews, right next to the open-faced coffin. Kisame Hoshigaki, Head-Chef for the Conchita estate for ten years, held a look of sullen indifference as the Priest said the funeral rites.

Itachi Uchiha, Assistant/Advisor to the late Orochimaru, never had a problem not showing any emotion. So why should he start now?

Sasori Akasuna, Head-Butler, was doing nothing more than silently waiting for the service to end while showing brief glimpses of what appeared to be grief at proper moments.

Deidara Azumoji, Head-Maid, was the only one out of the four who had shed a single tear during this occasion. Whether it was real or not... Was anybody's guess.

---

Finally, at the end of the day, when Orochimaru had been cremated and his ashes placed in the Conchita family tomb and all the guests had left. Did the atmosphere lighten up some. Deidara had just finished taking the dishes from the after-service dinner to the kitchen and sat down at the table. He sighed,

"Are they gone yet, Sasori?" Sasori had finished sending off the last of the guests and he called back,

"Yes. Finally, hey where are Kisame and Itachi?" Deidara sighed, standing up and stretching his cramping limbs,

"Who knows, I..." Suddenly,

"He's gone!" A deep voice cheered from the basement. Sasori and Deidara smiled as Kisame came up with three bottles of wine and a joyous smile on his face. "Deidara, go get us some glasses so we can celebrate!" Deidara nodded and ran to the kitchen. Sasori looked to Kisame, saying,

"I never thought I'd live to see the day." Kisame sat down in a chair and nodded,

"I know what you mean. It seemed like that tyrant was never going to die but now..."

"Now he's gone and we're going to enjoy this one night of peace." Itachi stated as he walked down the staircase. The former advisor slumped into a chair. "I know that I should feel sad, but..." Sasori interjected,

"Don't feel bad, Itachi. Anyone who said that they will miss that man is lying through their teeth." Soon, Deidara came back with the glasses and they all began to pass the wine around and enjoy themselves. It wasn't long before Deidara was out like a light (after three glasses), and Itachi was dozing off on Kisame's shoulder while trying to keep his balance (after three and a half glasses). Kisame and Sasori were still having pleasant conversation, albeit a bit slurred after glass number 6. "So Kissame?"

"Hm?"

"Are you going to --hic-- leave Apostate now?"

"Hmm..." Kisame sat his glass down and thought for a while. Then he stated, "No. I'm still sunder the ervice... Excuse me, 'under the service' of the Conchitas. So I have to see if any of them move in." Sasori blinked twice before asking,

"But... aren't most of them... dead?" Itachi moaned, trying to raise his head,

"The parents but not the children...", then sat on the floor and promptly began to fall asleep. Kisame nodded. He had remembered when Orochimaru's wife, Kabuto, had died. Hell, he had the scars from when Orochimaru went on one of his sorrow-induced rampages to prove it. Then it seemed as if, one by one, the Maestro's brother, sister, and other brother had all died off until it was Orochimaru's turn. Kisame smiled softly and shook his head; he was going to be eternally grateful to Orochimaru's horse for doing the one thing that everyone else was afraid to do. Sasori drank the last of the last bottle of wine before stating,

"I'm going to bed. I might as well take _this_ one," He pointed to the sleeping Deidara, "To get some sleep as well. Buenas noches." Kisame yawned back the phrase and sat back in his chair. He was indeed happy that Orochimaru was gone, that bastard who had taken him from his family just to be his Head-Chef, but something in the back of his mind wanted to say that it could have been worse.

And worse it would get.

* * *

"Hold on a second!" Naruto called out, interrupting Sai's story. Sai blinked,

"Yes Koi?"

"This isn't going to be one of your scary stories like the one you and Sasuke told me a year ago and I couldn't go into a bathroom at night by myself for a month?" Sasuke raised an eyebrow towards Sai and the artist shook his head,

"I have no idea what you're talking about Naruto. But, shall I continue?" Naruto huffed but nodded nonetheless.

* * *

"Surely you jest?" Kisame asked as the town book-keeper was leaving the castle. The book-keeper, Kakuzu was his name, sighed and shook his head.

"I wish I was. Orochimaru left everything he had to his nephew, Zetsu Conchita, and he'll be here with his wife around..." Kakuzu took out a golden pocket-watch and looked at it. "An hour from now, give or take."

"What?!" Kisame shouted incredulously. "How in the hell did he know to come so soon?!" Kakuzu got to the front door and stated,

"Orochimaru had me send a copy of his will to his nephew a month ago. It was as if..." Kakuzu trailed off. Kisame asked,

"As if?" Kakuzu took a deep breath,

"It was as if he _knew_ that he was going to die, Kisame." Kisame turned away and tried to sort through the thoughts that were racing through his mind.

_'How could he have possibly..?'_

"Kisame." Kakuzu's voice rang out, jarring the chef's attention. Kisame looked up and saw Kakuzu handing a letter to him. "He asked me to give you this. I haven't read it so I can't exactly tell you what it is, so please don't ask me." Kisame nodded and took the letter. "Farewell." Kakuzu said as he walked out of the building. Kisame closed the door, frowning heavily. He was about to call everyone to tell them the news but his curiosity about the letter go to him and he opened it. He recognized the late Conchita's hand-writing instantly.

_'Kisame, _

_As you probably have already noted by this point in time, unless you're still as simple as the day I requested you for my services, I am no longer of this world. I truly do not wish to waste any of the few moments that I have left writing a bunch of nonsense so I will be brief. Your service to the Conchita Family is, as of right now, over. It's done. That's it. I know that you are probably confused as to why I would do such a thing. _

_My nephew Zetsu, the one who inherits the Apostate Castle, is quite the... eccentric individual. His tastes are... Quite strange. And even when I say that, I'm barely scratching the surface. Look, I'll be as frank as my old mind allows: _

_LEAVE! _

_The others are still indebted to the Conchitas so their fate is sealed but I leave you a small amount of money under the floor-boards of your quarters. Hmph... However, knowing your stubborn nature and the fact that you are engaged to my Advisor (yes, I knew), you probably won't heed my words. _

_It's your funeral. At least now I can go burn in Hell, like you used to tell me so often, with a clean conscience. _

_Farewell, _

_Orochimaru Conchita_

Kisame was stunned. That old tyrant had actually left him something?! But wait, what was that about Zetsu being strange? It didn't matter. Kisame was engaged to Itachi and as soon as Itachi worked off his debt of two more years in this castle, they were leaving for Barcelona. Kisame frowned and folded the letter and put it into his pocket. "At least the money will help." He then called out, "Itachi! Sasori! Deidara! We have to get this place spotless immediately!!"

---

The four stood outside the castle doors, waiting for their new employer to arrive. Kisame had yet to share the contents of Orochimaru's letter with them, but he was nonetheless more anxious about what the late Conchita had said. _'He must be quite the oddity if Orochimaru addressed me personally about him.'_ A few minutes later, the sound of hooves could be heard, clacking heavily against the road towards the castle.

"Here he comes..." Sasori muttered. Then, they could all see the green and black carriage drawn by a single copper-shaded mare rushing towards the castle at a high speed. When it finally stopped, it was in front of the door and the four servants. It was a few moments before the door opened. Out walked a young man with short, green hair and calm, yellow eyes.

"Buenos Dias." The four said as they bowed. The man appeared not to notice them as he turned and held out a hand towards the inside of the carriage.

"Come on Tobi." He said, voice calm with just a bit of irritation mixed in. Slowly, a green-gloved hand reached out just a little bit and the man pulled with vim. Out tumbled a small, pale individual dressed in a green gown. They had short black hair and wide brown eyes that snapped shut once the figure fell to the ground. Upon seeing the small young man on the ground, Zetsu rolled his eyes and stated, in that calm but irritated voice, "Get up from there. You're making a mess of your clothes." Tobi immediately stood up and replied,

"Yes Zetsu." Itachi decided to get things over with and walked to the two, stating,

"Welcome to Apostate Castle, Maestro Conchita. I hope that..." No sooner had Itachi began speaking, did Zetsu bypass him and walk up to the other three. He looked at all of them before asking,

"Which one of you is my chef?" Kisame took a step forward.

"That would be me, Maestro." Zetsu looked at Kisame for a while before smiling slightly. Kisame flinched, immediately deciding that Zetsu's smile was a most unnerving sight.

"Bueno. Come. I'm hungry and I want to see if you have what it takes to be my chef." Zetsu stated and let himself into the castle. Once the Conchita was in, everyone sighed in relief.

"That was torture, un." Deidara sighed, letting his muscles relax from all the tension that had occurred with the first meeting.

"You're telling me! Dios mio, he didn't even do anything and he's so intimidating!" Sasori panted. Itachi was still standing in the same spot where Zetsu had ignored him. He whispered,

"Did I do something wrong already?!" Just then, Tobi walked up. Wide brown eyes looked up at Itachi and the younger stated,

"No you didn't. Zetsu is just. . ."

"TOBI!" Zetsu's voice yelled from inside the castle. Tobi jolted immediately and ran in, following the man's call.

---

"After all that hard work and he didn't even look around the place, un." Deidara muttered angrily. Zetsu had immediately taken a seat at the grand dining table in the grand dining-hall of the castle, not even sparing a glance to anything else. Upon being comfortably seated, he commanded everyone except Kisame to sit at the table with him. Then he stated,

"Prepare five of your best dishes and have them in front of me on this table in an hour." Kisame bowed slightly but thought,

_'An hour? He's gracious with time, that's for sure...'_ He then left for the kitchen.

Thirty minutes had passed and the atmosphere of the dining-room was tense: no one said a word or even looked at the young Conchita. Zetsu, on the other hand, simply toyed around with the cutlery; made the fork and spoon dance with each other, which Itachi had to admit was a bit odd. Suddenly, Zetsu groaned softly and rubbed the temples of his head as if he had a headache.

"Maestro, are you alright..?" Itachi began but something made him stop. Rather, someone. Tobi slightly tapped his fingers on the table and shook his head. Before anyone could question the strange behavior, however, Kisame came back to the dining room pushing a cart that had five large covered plates on it. Upon seeing the chef arrive, Zetsu smiled and said,

"Well, hurry up!" Kisame silently scoffed but went ahead and placed all the plates on the table. Still no one moved. The blue-haired chef removed the cover of the plate that was closest to Zetsu, revealing a bowl of steaming, white broth. Zetsu took a sniff... Then frowned... Then asked, a bit of anger in his voice, "What is this?" Kisame answered,

"It is my finest White Soup made with the milk of the goats from the town monastery." Kisame had been used to running all the way across town and back getting the ingredients for one of Orochimaru's favorite dishes. It was one of the few things in this world that the prior Conchita didn't despise. Zetsu, however, gazed at the soup for a long moment before dipping one of his fingers in. He swirled it around languorously before retreating it. Zetsu brought the finger to his lips and gave a tiny lick at it.

Everyone was silent, especially Kisame and Tobi.

Finally, Zetsu opened his eyes and stated "Disgusting.", before promptly knocking the dish to a shattering end on the floor with a sweep of his hand. Everyone was shocked. In all their years no one had even the slightest bit of disdain for Kisame's food. Tobi silently shook his head at the scene that was taking place. It had happened too many times before. Kisame wanted to protest, he really did, but he didn't want to be rude.

"I apologize." He stated before bringing the second dish. He removed the cover to show a succulent roasted-pig with the apple still in its mouth, surrounded by steaming vegetables. "Hopefully this will be more to your liking, Maestro, I..." There was another shatter, causing Kisame to stop mid-sentence. Zetsu had knocked that dish to the ground as well. His yellow eyes stared at Kisame as he asked,

"Surely you didn't expect me to even consider touching something so vile, did you chef?" Kisame was starting to get agitated but he still held it down as he brought over another plate. Zetsu simply smirked and said, "You don't even have to bother, chef." He then stood and knocked everything on the table to the floor. Kisame had enough, so he firmly yet calmly asked,

"Maestro, what was _wrong_ with those dishes?" Zetsu walked around the table, regarding the scene before replying,

"They didn't match my tastes. You'll learn soon enough." He ended the statement with a grin that looked just a little bit sinister. "Yet, the fact is, I'm still hungry and..." There was a noise from a nearby window. "What's that?" He walked towards the opposite wall and looked up, sighing, "Ah... There's something..." He then turned and called, "Butler!" Sasori walked over.

"Yes Maestro?"

"Go fetch a ladder!" Zetsu commanded. Sasori bowed and quickly went to his task. Zetsu began pacing back and forth in front of the wall; like a panther cornering its prey. Finally, Sasori came back.

"Here Maestro, I.." Zetsu abruptly ran over and snatched the ladder from Sasori. Sasori brushed himself off and mumbled, "You're welcome." Zetsu propped the ladder up against the wall. And began to climb. He was up quite high when he stopped at the highest window and seemed to pick something up from there. He quickly came back down and stated,

"I've got it!" He then presented what he had gotten to everyone. It was a bird's nest and it still had a mother bird frantically trying to protect her eggs. Zetsu licked his lips and asked, "These eggs should be just about ready to hatch, don't you all think?" Everyone was still unsure of Zetsu was getting at but nodded. Zetsu smiled, "Good. Now… Chef?" Kisame walked over.

"Yes?" Zetsu smiled even wider as he asked,

"Snap the neck of this bird for me, would you?" Deidara gasped while Itachi and Sasori watched on with widened eyes. Kisame shook his head and asked,

"Why would I do that?" Zetsu answered, as calm as if he were talking about weather,

"I'm hungry. Do it. Now!" He shoved the nest into Kisame's hands and waited. The blue-haired chef gulped and looked back towards the others. "Well?" Kisame sighed and whispered,

"I am _so_ sorry." He then carefully picked up the fragile bird from its nest, getting pecked a few times. He looked at it for a minute and slowly closed his eyes, wrapping one hand around the body and another around the head.

There was a wet crack and it was done.

"Bueno! Bueno!" Zetsu cheered and switched the lifeless bird in Kisame's with the now-abandoned nest and eggs. Zetsu walked to the table and sat back down in his chair. He placed the deceased creature onto one of the few remaining plates. He chuckled as he picked up a fork.

"Sasori?" Deidara asked quietly, "Surely he's not about to do what I think he's about to do?" Before Sasori could answer, Zetsu stabbed the bird with the fork and gazed, wide-eyed, as blood ran from it.

"As the French would say…" Zetsu began using a nearby knife to cut the bird in two, then picked up one half, "Bon appetite!" Zetsu took a large bite.

"Oh God!" Deidara gasped, placing his hands over his mouth; trying so hard not to vomit. Sasori was too busy trying to convince himself that he did not just see his new master eat the bloody bird-carcass. Kisame simply stood there, still holding the nest in his hands, thinking,

_'This must be what Orochimaru meant...'_ As Zetsu finished off one half and began cutting the other into smaller portions, Itachi was silently retching in his seat. The medium-length brunette looked to Tobi, who had turned away from the sight and was discreetly shaking his head.

Zetsu paid no one any mind as he ate; savoring the taste of his latest meal on his tongue with each chew. When the bird was completely gone, he even ate the bones, Zetsu's yellow eyes narrowed. Rubbing his temples, he called, "Chef!" Kisame shook himself out of his shock and replied,

"Yes?"

"The eggs." He pointed towards the nest in Kisame's hand. "Boil them in a mixture of brandy, soil from the garden, and vinegar and then bring them to me." Kisame could have laughed if it weren't for the spectacle they had just witnessed and he choked out,

"Soil?" Zetsu grimaced and jumped to his feet, grabbing the plate he had just used. He threw it towards Kisame in full rage, the chef barely ducking out of the way at the last moment. As the remnants of the plate fell towards the ground, Zetsu seethed out,

"Get... moving... chef." Kisame bowed and began to walk out of the room until Zetsu's voice rang out, "Leave the nest." Kisame walked back to the table and removed the eggs from the nest before leaving again. Zetsu sighed as he relaxed into his chair. Drowsily opening his eyes, he stated, "It may take him a while to get the dish ready..." He then shouted, "Tobi!" Tobi jumped up from his seat and was immediately at the man's side.

"Yes?" Zetsu gestured towards the empty nest and held up a knife. Tobi nodded, taking the instrument and grabbing the nest. Silently, the small male cut the nest into four pieces and lined them up. "There you go." Tobi stated shakily. Zetsu smiled at him and cooed two little words:

"Feed me." Tobi shivered and nodded, picking up a piece of the nest. He delicately moved it towards Zetsu's mouth and when the man opened his lips, the brunette softly guided it inside. Zetsu pulled away and chewed softly, as if enjoying a prized delicacy. He swallowed and pointed towards his mouth. This went on until the last piece had disappeared down the man's throat. However, he wasn't done yet. As Tobi tried to walk away, Zetsu grabbed his hand and...

* * *

There was a loud yawn, causing Sai and Naruto to be interrupted from the artist's story. Sasuke moved closer to the lantern and frowned, "Wow Sai, unbelievable. You've managed to make one of the most potentially disturbing tales into a boring urban legend. Bravo." Sasuke ended, clapping his hands half-heartedly. Sai scoffed,

"I'm pretty sure that Naruto found it scary, right Koi?" Naruto was slightly shivering and he murmured 'poor bird' before replying,

"Well, it was pretty creepy. But I think I could stand it." Sai frowned and Sasuke chuckled before bringing out his lap-top and going through his music files. When he found what he was looking for, he smiled and said,

"Let _me_ tell you about the Apostate castle, Dobe." Sasuke clicked 'play'.

* * *

**(1) I was feeling random right there and decided to include something from the old Legend of Zelda cartoon. Heh heh heh... For the love of God, don't watch it. **

**(2) You know, they actually had one of these in Japan, believe it or not. Only it was only for Miku Hatsune. **

**A/N: This chapter was crap. How so? The story was supposed to be a one-shot but after getting to this point in Sai's telling of the story, I had to write another chapter where Sasuke tells the story and let this be more of an expository chapter. It will get better, trust me! And don't leave because of this parts crappiness, please? Also, I know that my Spanish was probably horrible. This little bit I got from living in Southern California for most of my life. I took French for four years for Pete's sake, don't torment me for that! **

**Maestro means 'Master' but hopefully people already knew that.**

**Please read the other part and review? **

**-Tyranno's girl. **


	2. Sasuke's Story

**A/N: Now we get into Sasuke's power of story-telling. Let's read. **

* * *

_The Apostate Castle, it smells so rotten... _

In a far away, poor village in Spain's country-side, there was a large castle that stood glooming over everything in its sight. Where everything else was thriving and somewhat vibrant, this castle was painted in the darkest shades of red and green. Everyone who lived in the village was afraid of the dark building, in fact some of them who lived closer to it had moved out of town.

The reason?

It was a well-known fact that the castle, a few months after its new owner had moved in, began to emanate a horrid smell. It was a mixture of strange, foreign spices, poisons, and, finally, decaying flesh. In fact, in order to get things like food and supplies into the castle, one of the castle's few remaining servants would have to venture outside and come back.

Right now, though, no one was going _anywhere_. There was a large clanging, as if from some giant bell. Everyone in town and in the castle knew what that sound meant.

_He_ was hungry again.

Kisame, the Apostate's chef, quickly made his way to the dining-table. He bowed reverently and asked, "What do your tastes desire today?" A hand slid over a scroll of paper and Kisame took it, bowed, and exited the room. He ran to the kitchen before daring to open the scroll and when he did, he instantly regretted it. However, he knew what he had to do.

_A final meal begins again, it's never forgotten... _

He called for the other servants of Apostate (Itachi, Deidara, and Sasori) and told each of them to do something. "Sasori, I need you to go to the graveyard." The red-head groaned,

"Ugh! Again?!!" Kisame nodded then said,

"Deidara, you have to go to the fisherman's market." Deidara sighed; he knew this wasn't going to be as pleasant as it sounded. Kisame finally turned to Itachi and asked, "Could you go get one of the lizards from _his_ zoo?" Itachi silently nodded. They all went their separate ways and agreed to meet in the kitchen.

---

Itachi came first, holding a cage that held a large, vibrant, red lizard. The creature hissed and thrashed around in its prison. Maybe it knew what was coming. "Here" Kisame shook his head as he was cutting some unrecognizable roots and something that looked like a fungus and tossing them into a frying-pan.

"Itachi, I'm too busy. You have to do it." Itachi wanted to argue but he knew Kisame was right. He dug into one of the drawers and pulled out two leather gloves. After putting them on, he grabbed the cage and walked to what looked like a pantry. But when Itachi opened the door, there were splashes of crimson all over the walls. He picked up a knife that hung from the wall and closed the door.

---

"I'm back!" Sasori stated as he ran into the kitchen, holding a large burlap sack. His clothes were covered in dirt and he was visibly exhausted but he made sure to get the bag to Kisame. The blue-haired chef nodded and looked inside, immediately recoiling. He groaned,

"Sasori! Why didn't you separate them?!" The red-head choked before yelling back,

"I had enough trouble getting _that_," He pointed to the sack, "Out of the graveyard without anyone noticing! Cut me a break!" Kisame shook his head and sighed,

"I'm sorry. Look, I'll..." Sasori shook his head,

"No, I'll do it now." The red head grabbed the sack and a pair of gloves before sitting at a nearby table and getting to work. Before he tipped the sack over, he asked Kisame, "Do you have an extra scarf and knife?" Kisame had just finished checking what he had in the oven before he answered,

"In the drawer underneath the table." Sasori nodded and took them out. He tied the scarf around his face and once it was secure, he took the knife in one hand and opened the back with another, desperately trying to ignore the flies that buzzed out.

---

"Kisame!" Deidara called out, running into the kitchen while carrying a large pail. Kisame glanced over from what he was boiling and asked,

"Is that it?" Deidara nodded while panting heavily,

"Si, un. And it bit me five times on the way over here, un!!" Kisame sighed and shook his head before he asked,

"Could you get started on that? Just fill a pot with water and put it in there before you put it on the stove." Deidara sighed but nonetheless got the pot and filled it with water. Kisame was focusing on the stew, adding herbs here, mushrooms there, but he heard what Deidara was doing.

"Come on, un, into the pot you go--OW! -- Stop it! You'd better-- OW! Get in there, you little..!" There was a loud sound, and Kisame knew that Deidara had covered the pot.

"Thank you." He said.

---

Finally, Kisame had finished. Everyone was exhausted and wanted nothing more than to take a break for a minute, catch their breaths. But that clanging bell sounded again and they knew that they had to move. Itachi, Sasori, and Deidara followed Kisame as the chef pushed the cart that held four covered plates. Things moved horribly slow, it seemed, as the group moved things to the table and all was quiet as Kisame set everything on the table in front of one chair. It was then that Tobi, the bride of the Apostate Castle walked in. He stood by his designated chair and waited silently. When everyone, besides Kisame of course, was standing by a chair, a voice commanded, "Sit." And they did. The voice then said, "Uncover them." and Kisame bowed before uncovering the plates one by one.

_Myriads of dishes, so wretched and so vile..._

The first dish looked like a block of some unrecognizable muck dug up from some dismal swamp. And it smelled as such.

The second dish used to be some unfortunate creature. But as over decorated as it was with oleander and berries, and how it was glazed in some unrecognizable sauce, it only looked like a sick tribute to what had once been.

The third dish was a dark brown soup. It looked alright and even edible if it weren't for the cracking and splitting bones protruding from it.

Finally, there was a large bowl of stew. It was green and, hanging from one side, there was a tail swaying limply. There was a deep chuckle from the head of the table. "Toadstool and Swamp rot mousse, Roasted Monitor Lizard garnished with mistletoe and Weeping Willow sap, Cemetery Bone Broth, and Eel Stew." Everyone then looked as the owner of Apostate picked up a spoon and began eating the first dish.

_A handsome youth eating it all with a smile. _

_This handsome creature was named Zetsu Conchita... _

_He was quite the cunning, young opsomaniac_**(1)**_... _

In what seemed like thirty minutes, Zetsu was halfway finished with the final dish and he was thoroughly enjoying himself. Finally, Zetsu swallowed a sliver of green from the soup and sighed contently. It was quiet until Tobi asked, "Was it to your liking?" Zetsu smiled and replied,

"Quite." He licked his fingers and continued, "But now... Dessert! Chef?" Kisame discreetly sighed in frustration before answering,

"Si?" Zetsu raised up a glass and asked,

"A glass of my wine, if you please?" Kisame nodded and bowed before leaving to the kitchen. Once there, he put on a pair of gloves and went to the pantry that Itachi had walked into earlier, closing the door. He walked out a minute later, carrying a large, white ceramic pot spattered with red and a bottle of wine. One of Zetsu's favorite things was a _special_ glass of wine after a good meal.

This is why he demanded that after anybody killed anything, the blood was to be collected. Kisame walked to the table and set the pot down. He took Zetsu's glass and filled it half-way with wine. Then, extremely carefully, he tipped the pot over and poured some of the blood in. Zetsu chuckled gleefully and swirled the liquid in the glass before sipping it. "Perfect." He commented and then drank some more.

_He was always quite the picky eater, _

_But now it was something quite to fear... _

---

"_You respect and honor him... _

_He is our great Conchita!_" The heads of the village would say to the common villagers when they would complain about anything concerning Apostate.

"But the castle makes everything smell revolting!" A woman cried. There were groans and mumbles from all throughout the crowd and they only seemed to increase in volume until there was a loud gasp. Slowly, everyone turned around and saw the very man that they were complaining about. Zetsu smiled and asked,

"Now surely all this fuss can't be over me, can it?" He chuckled and walked through the crowd until he reached the podium where the village heads were speaking. "Well, I'm sorry that you are all so uncomfortable. But..." Zetsu hummed, "I just can't find that I care! So, either learn to live with it or... leave." Zetsu then made his exit.

---

"Agh!" Kisame groaned as he scrubbed his hands raw in the kitchen late one night. "It... never... comes... OFF!" Kisame was thoroughly convinced that his hands were stained with all the horrible things that he was forced to cook for Zetsu. "I don't think I can take it much longer." He panted as he stopped. "I just wonder if I could..." Zetsu's bell clanged again causing Kisame to growl. He made his way towards the dining hall where Zetsu was leaning against the wall lazily. "What is it your tastes desire now?" Zetsu sighed,

"Nothing heavy. Just a cake made with poison ivy, fish blood, and cat whiskers. Nothing big." Kisame exhaled softly before asking,

_All the things that exist in this world, _

_They were made for only him... _

"How do you eat all of this, Maestro?" Zetsu turned towards Kisame and smiled before saying,

"_I'll eat up everything, everything that's in the world...  
Until I feel that the emptiness inside me is gone!_" Kisame raised an eyebrow at Zetsu's strange choice of words but then he said,

"I'll get started." As the chef walked off, Zetsu called over,

"_The poison shining a sleek deadly blue  
Is the very best spice to add to a delicious cake!_" Kisame flinched but kept on walking. Zetsu wanted him to make a cake using the animal poison in the kitchen? Why not? It's not like it would kill the Conchita anyway.

---

Zetsu, despite seeming to have an endless abyss for a stomach, had an appetite of steel.

_Eating up all of every single thing to the bone..._

Kisame served him a fried peacock that had been deceased for three weeks and Zetsu viciously devoured it, feathers, beak, bones, and all. Sasori had been forced to witness Deidara's vomiting after being forced to sit through such a sight.

_If it doesn't satisfy me, then I'll bite into plates_!

One day, Kisame served Zetsu a stew made with a mongoose and a cobra, which the Conchita devoured ravenously. However, when the dish was done, Zetsu commanded that Kisame make him something else. Kisame was walking to the kitchen to prepare the next meal when there was a loud crunching. He then heard Itachi's voice cry out, "Maestro, please don't eat that!"

---

This is how things went on for, oh, a couple of years. Zetsu's taste in food could be described as nothing short of disgusting. But what choice did everyone have? Leave? Once you lived underneath the rule of a Conchita, no other town or province would accept you without you paying a substantial… 'forgetfulness'-fee.

Also, it seemed with every few months, his appetite grew.

_If it's a delicious meal, then my tongue is blissful,  
But wait until I decide at the end of the supper…! _

---

As for Zetsu, nothing was wrong in his sight. He was a Conchita for God's sake! Anything he wanted could be brought to his fingers just like that. It was a gorgeous life. Well, except _that_ one pest.

Zetsu was referring to his black-haired… What was he again? Advisor? Zetsu scoffed as he walked across the stairway one afternoon in December. "Like _I_ have any use for an advisor. I do what I want and if any doesn't like it, then to hell with them." Just then, as if by _extremely_ bad timing,

"Maestro Conchita!" Itachi quickly made his way to the man. Zetsu frowned and sighed,

"What is it now, Advisor?" Itachi took a deep breath before stating,

"Maybe you should consider maybe… Actually listening to your subjects Maestro?" Zetsu's frown grew deeper.

"Why in the world would I do that?" Itachi flinched at Zetsu's sudden reply but continued on,

"Well… You see…" Meanwhile, Zetsu was drowning Itachi out with his own thoughts.

'_Why must I be subject to this treatment every day? What did I do wrong?'_ Itachi was still speaking, which began to anger Zetsu. _'Why won't he be quiet?! God! I should…'_ He had to stop thinking, he was getting a headache. _'Oh great! Now I'm hungry and I don't have my bell! And he won't shut up!'_ Itachi saw Zetsu began to tremble slightly and back away slightly.

"Maestro? Are you alright?" Zetsu looked up and grinned.

"No. But…" He took a step closer to Itachi, trapping the brunette between him and the stair-rail. Zetsu's smile turned extra malicious as he muttered, "I will be." Silent but powerfully, he shoved Itachi, pushing the poor brunette over the railing.

Itachi's screams rang out throughout the castle until they ended with a sickening crack on the first floor. Zetsu's smile immediately dropped and he gasped, "Oh no!" He quickly ran downstairs and looked over Itachi. "Urm.. Advisor? Itachi? You're not dead, are you?" Itachi didn't respond, causing Zetsu to whine quietly. "Come on!" Zetsu kicked Itachi's body over onto its back. Itachi's eyes were wide but lifeless and there was a small trail of blood coming from his mouth. Zetsu was scared now. He had never _killed_ anyone before; they would usually just succumb to his will before it came to that.

But suddenly, Zetsu's fear went away as if it never existed. He leaned down and moved his face closer to Itachi's. Then, with a second of hesitation, he licked at the blood that was on Itachi's lips.

Zetsu's eyes narrowed and a twisted smirk grew on his face.

---

Kisame, Sasori, and Deidara came back from a long week of shopping. It took a week because some of the vegetables that Zetsu ate had to be shipped in from foreign countries. "How long do you think all this will last, un?" The blonde was referring to the two carts that they were using to get the supplies and such back to Apostate. Sasori sighed,

"Our Maestro eats like a horse, Deidara. How long do _you_ think this will last?" Kisame was ignoring them as he directed the horses towards the castle. When Itachi volunteered stay behind with Zetsu and Tobi, Kisame immediately refused. It was only when Itachi tried to assure the chef that he would be fine that Kisame agreed.

The three finally made it inside the castle gates and were shocked by what they saw: Smoke rising from the chimney. "Who could be cooking now?" Sasori asked. Kisame had a sick feeling in his stomach, he didn't know what caused it but he gave a quick whip of the reigns, forcing the horses into a swift gallop. "Kisame! Are you trying to cause our deaths?!" Sasori yelled as Deidara clutched onto him in shock.

Kisame didn't pay them any mind as they quickly made their way to the front door. Kisame rushed in silently but quickly and went straight to the kitchen, only to find that the door was locked. "Maestro!" He yelled, "Are you in there?" There was nothing but various sizzles and bubbling for a minute until Zetsu's voice replied,

"Si Chef. I'm in here, and so is Itachi. All is well, don't worry." Kisame's tension lessened only a little bit.

"May I... Speak to Itachi?" Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Zetsu was hacking away at something with a large, bloody machete. He stopped to say,

"He has a bit of a sore throat. You'll see him soon enough." Still a bit unsure, Kisame had no choice but to leave the door and help the others with the supplies they had just bought. And in the kitchen, as the chef left, Zetsu chuckled and took a long lick at his bloody hands. "You taste prettier than you look..."

---

It was a few, laborious hours but finally everything had been loaded into the Apostate storehouse. It was at that time, all three of the servants panting and catching their breaths from their hard work, that Tobi walked in and announced, "Zetsu commands that we join him for dinner." The servants sighed, but got up anyway. Who were they to refuse? But Kisame was still bothered about just who had cooked for Zetsu.

..And just _what_ did they cook?

They all followed Tobi into the dining room and Deidara asked, "So, Amante **(2)**, Maestro can cook?" Tobi gasped and stopped in his tracks. "Amante, un? What is it?" Tobi gulped and whispered,

"Let us go. I don't want to keep Zetsu waiting."

---

"I simply must thank all of you for doing my shopping." Zetsu smiled as everyone took their seats. Kisame, who was still standing, looked around silently. Itachi's designated seat was empty.

"Excuse me, Maestro?" Kisame spoke up. However, Zetsu stated,

"Sit down, Kisame.", pointing to a seat next to himself. Kisame shook his head,

"No. Where's Itachi?" Zetsu sighed,

"I do hope that my food doesn't get cold." Kisame narrowed his eyes and glared at the Conchita. Zetsu simply pouted and said, "When I start eating, I'll tell you. Now, sit." Kisame had no choice.

So there they sat, Zetsu at the head of the table, Tobi at his right, Kisame at his left, and Sasori and Deidara sitting on one side. There were also six covered plates on the table. The smell they gave off was of flesh and some hot spice. To Kisame, the smell was very familiar but he just couldn't think of what it could be. There was a quick sound. Everyone looked and saw that it came from Zetsu. The man chuckled, and moved his hand to the smallest plate, bringing it closer to himself. "Now, to eat!"

He uncovered it and revealed what looked like a bowl filled with cream and…

…Black hair?

"That hair was beautiful. I wonder if it will taste the same…" Zetsu mused before picking up his fork and beginning to eat. Sasori asked,

"Maestro, isn't that bad for one's stomach?" Zetsu stopped, almost finished, and replied,

"Normally yes, but, this person took very good care of their hair. So, I should be fine." Kisame's breathing was slowly increasing, from what he didn't know. And then, he remembered something:

"_Itachi, your hair is always so beautiful, how do keep it this way?" _

"_My hair is one of my greatest treasures. I can't bear anything happening to it…"_

"WHERE'S ITACHI?!" Kisame yelled. Zetsu finished the first dish and moved onto the second, sighing,

"I really did not need an Advisor. So _this_," He lifted up the plate and Deidara's screams rang out through the whole mansion. Sasori fell out of his seat and was dry-heaving in horror. "Is all I could use him for. Doesn't it look delicious?" Kisame stood there staring at the dish. It was made from Itachi's skin, some of his blood, and flesh. The only way they could all tell who it was, was because of the brunette's eyes resting on top, like a garnish. "Hm? Well, suit yourselves." Zetsu then began to eat his food. Kisame was speechless. He simply stood there, trembling and wide-eyed.

Tobi was looking away but silently shaking his head.

It went on like this until Zetsu bit into something. "Hm?" He took the piece that he was chewing out of his mouth and looked at it. It was a golden ring with red and black inscriptions on it. He shrugged his shoulders and tossed it to Kisame, saying, "I think this is yours." The ring fell to the floor with a clack. Kisame then slowly kneeled down and picked it up.

Itachi's engagement ring, he thought.

"_Kisame, I'll always love you!"_

The blue-haired chef slowly and very silently walked out of the dining room. Deidara was trembling but managed, "Maybe I should go with him and…" Zetsu snapped,

"SIT DOWN!!!" The blonde immediately shut up. Zetsu moved onto a dish that looked like fired fingers and whispered, "This will just be what will happen if I don't get my way…" Just then,

"AAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!" Kisame's anguished howl must have shaken the whole castle. Zetsu looked up and, after once again shrugging his shoulders, continued eating.

---

A month later they would lose Sasori.

This is what happened:

Due to the loss of Itachi and Kisame's deep depression, things went a lot slower around Apostate. However, Zetsu's appetite just seemed to increase. That cold day in January, Zetsu had rung his bell, calling for Kisame. The chef, lying down on the table, had been crying that whole day. Sasori, deciding to be a good friend, went to see what Zetsu had wanted.

"Where the hell is my chef?!" Zetsu snapped, throwing a chair in Sasori's direction. Dodging the onslaught, Sasori replied,

"He's… ill, Maestro. I can help you though." Zetsu sneered but nonetheless, held up his wine-glass. Sasori nodded and headed downstairs to the kitchen and to the bloody pantry. He pulled out the blood pot and a bottle of wine and gasped. "This is so heavy! Kisame, how on earth do you carry this thing?!" All he got in response was a groan. Sasori sighed and began the trek back up the stairs.

Unfortunately, the room that Zetsu was in was on the fourth floor of the castle. So Sasori struggled to bring the pot up, flight by flight and that had to be one of the most tedious things that he had ever done. He finally made it to the fourth floor and exhaled in relief. He finally thought that he could just push the cursed thing across the floor but as soon as he moved it an inch, he heard Zetsu's voice roar,

"YOU HAD BETTER NOT SCRATCH UP MY POT OR IT WILL BE YOUR HEAD!!!" Sasori whined but nonetheless, picked up the pot again. Carrying both of them was damned near impossible and unfortunately, when Sasori was passing by a window, Zetsu yelled, "BUTLER!!!" Shocking the poor red-head and making him drop both the pot and the bottle. Everything shattered to the ground in a mess of red and glass and ceramic. Sasori gasped, trying not to give himself away.

"Oh no. Oh no, oh no, oh no!" He sank to his knees and tried to wipe up the mess with his coat. Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew it was useless but he wanted to try. He was desperately trying to clean up when he heard heavy footsteps coming towards him. When the footsteps stopped and he saw the two black boots of the Conchita in front of him, Sasori choked back a sob.

Zetsu's face was contorted in anger and his yellow eyes fierce as he screamed, "What the hell did you do?!" Sasori stood and replied,

"Maestro, I'm _so_ sorry!!" As Sasori tried to plead his case, there was a deep growling growing from Zetsu. Finally, the green-haired man roared as he grabbed Sasori's shirt at his chest and dragged him towards the window. "PLEASE MAESTRO!!!" Zetsu didn't listen and kept on until he was at the window. He then gave that eerie smile and stated,

"I can't wait to taste you!", then gave a powerful shove. Sasori's yells were heard all the way to the village until they ended in a wet thud when he finally reached the floor outside.

Zetsu had no remorse about killing people anymore. Instead he stated, "He deserved it.", licking his lips. Then he looked at the mess on the floor and, grinning wildly, he got on all fours and began licking up the mess like an animal.

---

With Sasori gone, Kisame had to take full responsibility for the kitchen. And Zetsu would _not_ take no for an answer. One stormy evening in June, Zetsu had demanded a salad made from weasel and scorpion. As the poor chef prepared the dish, he couldn't help but think that it was some sort of twisted joke. Nonetheless, he finished and prepared to take the dish to Zetsu. He held the plate in one hand and walked out of the kitchen. He looked up to see Zetsu sitting at the table, alone.

As if sensing the question, Zetsu commented, "Tobi is ill and the Maid claims to be." Kisame slowly nodded and walked over to the table and set the plate in front of the man. Zetsu immediately began to eat and held up his glass, commanding, "Wine." Kisame nodded but when he went to take the glass it slipped and fell to the ground, shattering. Zetsu growled and slammed his fists to the table. He yelled, "What the hell is wrong with you?!!"

Kisame sighed heavily and rubbed his hands, his exhausted hands. Hell, everything about him had become exhausted since Itachi's death. He then looked up and locked gazes with Zetsu before stating,

"My hands… Maestro,"

_The poor man who cooked the wretched food was in his dire straits, _

_One night in June, the chef made a true deadly mistake_

"_Maestro Conchita, could I please take a break?"_

When Zetsu heard Kisame's request. He blinked a few times. Then a wide, sharp-toothed grin stretched across his face. "A break?" Zetsu laughed. "A BREAK?!" Zetsu was in pure hysterics. "He wants a break! Did you hear that?! HA HA HA!!!" Kisame shook his head. He had known, since that day with the bird, that Zetsu wasn't stable. Yet, he had to be stubborn. He sighed and said,

"Yes, a break." Zetsu immediately stopped laughing and said,

"_Really, what were we doing, making the same useless mistake?_" Kisame raised an eyebrow,

"Maestro?" Zetsu began growling and soon he picked up the butcher's knife that he had at the table. Kisame backed away a few steps.

"Heh heh heh…" Before Kisame knew it, Zetsu was behind him and the floor was slowly being stained with blood. Zetsu licked at his now-bloody butcher's knife. Kisame slowly looked down and gasped. His left hand was gone! All there was now was a bleeding stump. He turned and saw Zetsu holding his severed hand in his mouth like an animal. Kisame wanted to scream but he just couldn't. So he managed to ask,

"Maestro? Could I have my hand back please?" Zetsu smirked and shook his head. "Come now, please?" Zetsu muffled,

"No!" Kisame screamed,

"Zetsu!! Quit being stubborn and give me my hand this instant!" Inwardly as he clutched at his wrist to slow the bleeding, Kisame sighed. It was like dealing with a child: A spoiled, demonic little child with too much power. Zetsu was quiet and stared at Kisame for a minute.

"Kisame…" He began softly, removing the hand from his mouth. "I'm hungry…" Kisame gulped and backed away again, saying,

"You have food on the table, Maestro." Zetsu whined,

"It's probably cold by now…" Zetsu opened his mouth, revealing needle-sharp teeth, and then ate a finger off of the chef's hand. Kisame grimaced as the crunching noises rang out through the room until his hand was gone. Zetsu then grinned wildly and said, "I think that I'm in the mood… for Chef!" At that moment, Kisame bolted from the room and into the hall. "KISAME! COME BACK!!" Zetsu screamed, giving chase.

The hunt must have lasted only a few minutes because when Kisame reached the third floor and the door to Tobi's room, he keeled over from blood-loss. Slowly like the predator that he was, Zetsu walked up behind Kisame and cooed, "You must be so tired, Kisame… Don't worry, I'll make this quick." He rose up the butcher's knife and had his eyes set on the back of Kisame's head.

He knew what was coming but Kisame wanted to look back for some strange reason. Maybe to see the face of his killer or something but he looked back.

The chef's last sight was of Zetsu's face smiling madly but tears streaming down his eyes.

Then the knife struck down.

---

"_Always respect and honor him, pay tribute to our great Conchita,  
Anyone that dares betray him, they will end up paying the greatest price…"_ Tobi mused as he lay in his own bed. Deidara was there too; the Maid had been crying his eyes out the whole day and he only trusted Tobi to hear him out since Kisame seemed to only be half-there now of days. Deidara looked up when Tobi said those words, and Tobi continued, "I remember when Zetsu first married Tobi. The Queen of Spain had given me a gorgeous parrot from the tropics as a wedding present. It used to sing _so beautifully_. But, for some strange reason, after Zetsu came back from a hunting trip one day, Zetsu didn't like it as much." Tobi sharply inhaled, holding back a tear, "He took it to our old basement and… Tobi never saw it again."

"Why does he do this, un?" Deidara whispered. Tobi was going to answer but suddenly, they heard something:

"_I'll eat up everything, everything that's in the world,  
Today, the menu is to be made especially special!_"

Tobi gulped and told Deidara to get up. They walked over and opened the door to a gruesome sight.

Zetsu was simply sitting there, with a jar of pepper, some lemons, and his knife. The Conchita was covered in blood which increased in amount every time he hacked off a piece of Kisame's body. Then he would sprinkle on some pepper and squeeze it with lemon juice. Finally, he cut off some of Kisame's hair and placed it on his morsel, saying,

"_The hair that's shining a sleek wonderful pale blue, _

_Is the perfect topping for delicious Chef Ceviche!"_

"Why Zetsu?" Tobi murmured. Deidara had passed out from the sight of his last colleague being devoured. Zetsu chewed and swallowed, blood still running down his lips, and replied,

"Because, dearest wife, I can.", before hacking off another piece.

---

Deidara was panicking. He was the last servant left and it hadn't even been two weeks since Zetsu ate Kisame. But every time the Maid would go about his duties, he could help but notice the hungry look that Zetsu's yellow eyes would give him. But that afternoon in June, Deidara would find that he wouldn't have to worry about it much longer.

Zetsu had rang his bell, demanding a poison-ivy salad and Deidara went to work immediately, coming back with said product after hours of collecting enough of the leaves for a large enough dish. He came back and set the food in front of Zetsu and the man began to eat.

However, his eyes would never leave Deidara's face. Deidara shivered and asked, "Is there something that I can help you with, Maestro?" Zetsu shook his head silently and kept eating. "Bueno, then I will just leave now and- Ah!" The blonde tripped on a stray bone in the dining room. Zetsu raised an eyebrow, to which Deidara replied, upon standing up, "I'm fine, Maestro, just-Ow!" Deidara winced as he saw his finger. There was a long cut along it and it was bleeding.

Now, usually a cut wouldn't be _that_ much to worry about. But Deidara whimpered, "Oh no…" When he saw the predatory smile grow in Zetsu's eyes. Before the blonde could run away, Zetsu had grabbed onto his wrist and was staring at the bleeding injury. Deidara was helpless as he watched Zetsu wrap his lips around his finger and suck on it like some sort of sweet. "Maestro…? Could you stop, please?" Zetsu amazingly let go, not because Deidara asked him, oh no. It was because the cut wasn't bleeding anymore. The green-haired man whined softly but went back to his salad. Deidara bowed and tried to walk away but Zetsu commanded that he stay put. As Zetsu ate, he commented,

"_I must say Maid, that your blood is simply delicious…"_ Before Deidara could respond however, Zetsu had seemingly disappeared from his chair and was behind him. The poor blonde Maid was trembling uncontrollably and it only grew worse when he saw the thin, sharp knife that Zetsu had with him.

"Maestro..?!" Was the last thing that Deidara said before the knife whipped across his throat, sending waves of crimson onto the wall.

"_It would be sinful if I did not drink it all!_" Deidara could only cough twice before his body fell lifeless to the floor.

Hours later, Tobi would scream in agony as he found his husband licking up blood from the walls and floor and his last friend's body lying on the ground.

---

The Apostate Castle was silent; deathly so. No servants, no speech, nothing. Well, except the barking of a dog and the laughing of its master. On a sunny morning in August, Zetsu was currently outside playing with his pet hunting-hound, laughing and carrying on without a care in the world. Meanwhile, Tobi was sitting in the main room doing needlepoint. Or rather, moving his trembling hands across the fabric. He was all alone now, Zetsu had devoured everyone. He whimpered when he heard the door open and turned to see Zetsu smiling down at him.

"Buenos Dias, mi Amor." Tobi nodded silently in response. "It's a beautiful day, isn't it?"

"Yes..?" Zetsu chuckled and sat down on the couch across from Tobi. Things were silent as Tobi continued his work and Zetsu looked out the window. It was eerily peaceful and when Tobi looked up, he caught a glimpse of the man that he had fallen in love with.

The Conchitas had always been mean, it was a well-known fact. Orochimaru had a keen habit of only employing servants whom he had absolutely miserable, his wife Kabuto played out his dreams of becoming a doctor on unfortunate orphans from nearby orphanages, and then there was Zetsu… Originally, Zetsu was just a spoiled young man who only ate certain foods and only tolerated certain types of things.

In fact, some say that the only reason that Zetsu chose Tobi for his bride is that out of the fifty potential brides that he had, Tobi irritated him the least.

But for now, Tobi's thoughts were interrupted when Zetsu silently stood up and walked towards the kitchen. The small brunette gulped. He must be hungry again, he thought. When the green-haired man came back with a jar of millipedes, Tobi got his answer. Tobi closed his eyes but could still hear the crunches and soft hissing that were produced.

This went on for about an hour until the jar was finally emptied. Tobi dared to look up and saw Zetsu staring intently at him. "Yes Zetsu?" The next few seconds passed by like a fog.

Tobi blinked.

Zetsu shook his head.

Tobi trembled a bit.

Then Zetsu licked his lips.

Abruptly, Zetsu jumped at Tobi, the small male barely getting out of the way, causing both the Conchita and the couch to tip over. "Zetsu? Are you okay?" Tobi asked carefully. Zetsu slowly rose up and then growled out,

"No…" He then looked up, yellow eyes fierce and teeth sharp, "I'M STARVING!!!" Tobi gasped and ran away from the room, not so much as looking back. He could tell that the man was close on his heels so Tobi kept on running, not even thinking so much as to where he was heading. But suddenly, he saw an open door. Tobi sped up a bit and once inside the room, shut the door on the approaching menace. "TOBI!! Let me in, Mi Amor!" Zetsu screamed, kicking the door once. Tobi back away from the door, slowly shaking his head. It was when a certain smell passed through his nostrils that Tobi figured out where he had found sanctuary: The kitchen.

The smell of rotting flesh was almost unbearable here, but Tobi stayed put; he had nowhere else to go at the moment.

"TOBI!!!" Zetsu's voice roared as the door shook from being hit a few more times. The onslaught of noise went on for what seemed like forever until Tobi cried,

"STOP IT!" The noise slowed and then stilled. "Tobi can't take it anymore, Zetsu!" The brunette sobbed to the man on the other side of the door, "It's too much and now… There's no one that Tobi can go to!!" The small male stood there and sobbed and cried, effectively soaking his face and making a mess. Abruptly, a quiet voice said,

"Tobi? Mi Amor, I… I'm _so_ sorry. Really, I…" A sharp inhale of breath, "I never wanted to make you unhappy." Tobi's crying softened a bit.

"Zetsu?"

"Tobi, you know that I love you right?" Tobi gasped, his brown eyes widening.

"Zetsu… loves Tobi?"

"That's right. Now, just open this door so that I can wipe those tears away from your pretty face." Tobi beamed and immediately (against everybody's better judgment) opened the door. Zetsu calmly walked in with a warm smile on his face. After that, Zetsu wrapped his arms around Tobi in a tight embrace and kissed him on the cheek before moving to his soft lips. When they parted, the elder turned Tobi around so that the younger's back was to his own front. Between passionately licking, sucking, and kissing his wife's neck, Zetsu whispered various things like, "I love you," and, "You're mine, always," and finally, he stated,

"Honestly, if anything happened to you, who would cook for me?" Tobi sighed and chuckled softly, saying,

"Tobi can't cook." All movements from Zetsu stopped. "Zetsu?" Tobi asked upon feeling his husband still.

"What was that?" Zetsu asked, his hands discreetly going towards Tobi's neck. Tobi licked his own lips before replying,

"Tobi can't cook." All was quiet until Tobi heard a chuckle from the man behind him. Zetsu began,

"_Oh my dearest and most beautiful bride…_" His hands tightened around Tobi's neck and before he could do anything, Zetsu swiftly snapped the small male's neck to the side. When Zetsu removed his hands, Tobi's body fell lifeless to the floor. Sighing, the Conchita walked to the oven and started up a fire and then asked, "_If you cannot cook, then what is it that you're good for?_"

---

In the Apostate castle around September, if one was crazy enough to go near the building, they could hear a faint whistling. The whole castle was quiet and still except for that sound. No one was around, not even animals. Zetsu walked around his home, whistling and looking for something. "Here boy!" He called out, trying to find his hunting-hound.

He walked inside and then looked down onto the floor. There was a leather collar that seemed to have a huge bite-mark in it. Zetsu picked it up and groaned. "That's right, I had him for breakfast a few weeks ago. Damn it!" He placed the remains of the collar in his mouth and began chewing on it. Ever since that day that he had eaten Tobi, things weren't as easy as they used to be. In fact, there was hardly anything to eat in the whole castle now!

_After he ate all he did, his castle was quite hollow,  
There was no one or anything left for him to swallow… _

Zetsu groaned out, clutching his stomach, "Oh… I'm starving…"

_Even then, he still wanted more, even if he ate so crude,  
The ultimate level of the most horrible food… _

Zetsu walked around the castle in a daze, looking for something to eat even if it was a rat or an insect. He walked along a certain hallway that had various paintings on the wall. He went to the one of Kisame and Itachi and noted, in an increasingly manic voice, "You two were delicious! I wish that there was some of _you_ left, Chef. Or even some of Itachi's delectable hair!" The pictures were silent but then Zetsu picked up a stray pen that still had ink in it. He wrote, in fine strokes, "6/17 for the Chef… and 12/6 for my sweet-tasting Advisor!"

He rushed to another painting and saw, "The Butler and the Maid. Hm, Sasori, you had a bit of a smoky flavor but we relished it nonetheless. And Deidara!" Zetsu picked up his pen and began to write again, "Your blood was like liquid Ambrosia on my lips!" When he was done with that painting it had the dates 1/13 and 6/25. Zetsu laughed giddily and moved onto the last painting. It was of himself and Tobi. He grinned again and said,

"Tobi, Mi Amor! You were sweeter than any cake both in life and on my tongue!" He wrote '8/21' on Tobi. After he did that he broke apart the pen and drank up what was left of the ink. He threw down the pieces and walked on. "Still, I'm so hungry..!" He yelled out. It was then that he passed by a large mirror. He looked into it and saw himself. Zetsu stared at his reflection for a long, long time. Then he licked his lips and laughed wildly.

_I'll eat up everything, every bit that's in the world,  
When there was nothing left, He happened to look at his hand…_

Zetsu saw his hands and body in a whole new light right about now, grinning like a madman.

_Just in time to save me, He thought and gave a grin… _

"_There's still something left that I haven't eaten yet!_" He exclaimed joyously as he ran to the kitchen. Upon getting there, he…

* * *

"Hold on a second." Sai spoke up. Sasuke stopped telling his story and replied,

"What is it now, Sai?" The artist said,

"You know that that's impossible, right?"

"What?"

"Eating yourself is impossible. I mean, you would die from blood-loss before you even got to your wrist." Sasuke scoffed and stated,

"Just because your story sucked doesn't mean that you have to criticize mine." The two cousins started arguing again, not at all taking the time to notice the shivering blonde in front of them.

"Damn it. They did it again, I won't be able to sleep for months now and…" Just then Naruto looked up behind the two arguing teens and screamed bloody-murder. Sasuke and Sai immediately stopped arguing and turned around. However, the only thing that was there was an old man with gray hair and old clothes.

"Well now, what do we have here? A couple of travelers?" Sasuke stood up and extended his hand, saying,

"Yes. Um, we're so sorry for trespassing, we were traveling and then a storm just caught us by surprise, and…" The old man held up a hand and said,

"It's no problem. It has been quite a while since this place has had visitors so make yourselves comfortable.

That's exactly what everyone did. Sasuke, Sai, and the old man were talking away about the castle and this part of Spain. However, Naruto was still scared the whole time. There was just something about the old man that he didn't trust.

A few hours later, the old man said, "You kids must be hungry. If one of you would accompany me, I have some food in the kitchen. Sasuke volunteered and followed the old man to the kitchen.

* * *

The old man went in first and then told Sasuke to come in.

It all happened so fast that navy-blunette didn't even hear the axe blow to his head.

* * *

A few minutes later, Sai and Naruto heard Sasuke's voice call out,

"Hey, Sai! Come here a second!" The artist shrugged his shoulders and walked to the kitchen, leaving Naruto alone by the lantern.

* * *

"Hey Sasuke, what is it?" The pale brunette walked in, looking for his cousin.

He never felt the knife slitting his throat.

* * *

Naruto was still sitting by the lantern, upright and awake. There was no way in hell that he could get to sleep right now. However, soon he hear both Sasuke and Sai's voices call out,

"Hey Dobe!"

"Koi, are you going to eat or not?"

Naruto took a deep breath before standing up and walking to the kitchen. He made it to the door and slowly opened it. "Teme, Sai, is everything okay…?" Blue eyes widened and the scream started off as a choke but soon grew into a blood-curdling yell of horror. Sasuke's body was being cut up into pieces by the old man and Sai's body was lying on the ground, quickly losing blood. "SASUKE! SAI?!" Sai had a little bit of strength left and he used it to whisper,

"Run… Na..ruto." However, before the advice could be followed. Naruto found his mouth and nose covered by a damp rag. Every time he panickly breathed in, his mind felt foggier and foggier. Until he finally passed out.

* * *

"I must tell you…" The old man began as he sat down at the table. There was a wide array of covered dishes there and on the side opposite him, Naruto sat naked in a metal tub with apples and strawberries. The blonde as tied up and gagged but his eyes were left uncovered. "It has been so long since I've had dinner company. And even longer since I've had such delicacies on my table." He lifted up a plate and revealed a salad, tossed with vinegar and the eyes of the two teens. Naruto howled through his gag, even if it sounded muffled.

The man paid him no mind as he began to eat. "You're probably wondering why." He spoke. Naruto slowly opened one eye back up and saw the man talking to him. "Well, let's just say that your little boyfriends' story wasn't too off the mark of what truly transpired here. However, Zetsu wasn't always such… a connoisseur.

* * *

One day, before he got married, Zetsu Conchita went on a hunting trip. There, he encountered a truly strange creature. It was a fox, but unlike any other foxes he had seen, this one was the color of fire and it had nine tails.

Happy to have discovered such a find, Zetsu immediately went to kill this creature.

But I had other ideas…

* * *

As the man spoke, his body transformed into that of a human-sized fox. His eyes were red like blood and his fur the color of fire from his head to his nine tails. The fox chuckled deeply and finished off his salad before moving onto the next dish: A soup made with Sasuke's blood.

"You see, I am a type of parasitic-demon. Anyone who tries to harm me, I'll just possess and feed off of. It's quite the life." Naruto couldn't believe what he was hearing, was this really happening?! "I have possessed some of the greatest names in history, kid. Jack The Ripper, Sweeny Todd, Vlad Dracul… And I'll have you know…" He drank some of the soup, "They were all delicious!" Naruto squirmed around in the tub, trying to see if he could turn it over or something before this demon finished eating.

Suddenly the demon walked over and removed Naruto's gag. He smirked, asking, "aren't you even going to ask my name?" Naruto decided in that moment that it was best to keep this monster talking.

"Who are you?" The demon walked around the tub and stated,

"Kyuubi no Kitsune is the Japanese name." The Kyuubi picked up a bottle of brandy and poured it all over Naruto. The blonde coughed and shook his head, to which Kyuubi replied, "Don't do that! The liqueur will never set that way. Naruto calmed down and asked,

"Well then, you must know what really happened to Zetsu. Right?" Kyuubi roared as he sat back down,

"That little brat! I told him to go into the village and demand that they feed him but no! He was too selfish and lazy!"

* * *

"There's a whole village down there, Zetsu…" Kyuubi growled, causing the man to have another headache. Zetsu shook his head,

"I'm hungry now!" The Conchita was in the kitchen and he picked up a large axe in one hand and put his other hand on the table.

"Zetsu!" Too late. Zetsu had swung down and his wrist was now pouring blood. But the Conchita was too far gone to notice. He picked up his hand and began eating.

_The most vile food in the world food is a Conchita, _

"_Eating it fresh, oh yes, I don't care that I'm eating me!_" Zetsu murmured through his chewing. Meanwhile, Kyuubi growled,

"This idiot is going to kill the both of us!" At that moment, Kyuubi left Zetsu's body. All of a sudden, Zetsu felt somewhat empty. He stopped his feeding and looked behind him. Kyuubi looked down on him and growled. "I wonder how _you_ taste right about now…"

Zetsu's screams were the last things to come from the Apostate Castle.

* * *

"So…" Naruto began again, "Those were your marks on Zetsu's picture?" Kyuubi nodded, knocking one of the now empty plates to the ground. "You finished it all already?!" Naruto gasped, the fear returning. Kyuubi smiled, walking over,

"I'm a growing demon." He then poured another bottle of brandy on Naruto.

"What are you doing to me?!" Naruto asked.

"Making quite the delicious dessert." Naruto yelped in fear and exclaimed,

"You don't want to eat me! I'm full of sodium and not good for you at all probably!!!" Kyuubi chuckled as he lit up a match.

"Cute. I wonder if I added enough fruit." The fox tossed in an apple. "There we are! Now, let's flambé!!!" He roared, about to toss the flame into the tub. Naruto clamped his eyes shut and screamed,

"STOP, I'LL DO ANYTHING!!!" Everything stopped. The petrified blonde was trembling and hyperventilating as he sat, waiting for his demise. However, he heard the fox chuckle again.

"_Anything_, huh?" Naruto looked up at the fox and nodded tearfully. Kyuubi smiled wide, his bloody, sharp fangs showing.

* * *

_A few months later..._

A young college student by the name of Sakura Haruno was walking around her university one evening. She was holding a bag of food from some random restaurant and was humming and thinking to herself. _'I wonder if Naruto's even home right now?'_

Oh yes, while the blonde teen was in Spain with his two boyfriends (who happened to still be the heart-throbs of the school), they had all been abducted and the two Uchihas murdered. The Spain police arrived just in time to rescue Naruto from the raging psychopath, the details went.

When the blonde got home, everyone was there for him to get him through his tough times. However, Naruto seemed to be more reclusive since coming back from that ordeal.

_'And who could blame him? That experience must have been so traumatic...'_ Sakura thought. However, looking down to the bag she had, she smiled sadly. _'He hasn't been eating much either...'_ This is why she was here in the middle of the night trying to get to Naruto's dorm-room. From the distance, she heard barking and gave a sad sigh.

Coincidentally, a few months after Naruto came back, various pets and animals had been going missing all over the dorms and the surrounding city. Sakura's pink-dyed French Poodle, Mochi, was one of them. _'I'll have to ask Naruto if he's seen him around lately.'_ Finally, the pink-haired girl made it to Naruto's room. She knocked on the door, "Ne... Naruto-kun?" There was no response. "Hm? Hey, I know that you're in here!"

The door slowly creaked open. "Oh, well. I guess I'll just go on inside." Sakura walked in and noticed that the dorm-room was more of a dorm-suite. "Well, I guess that's what happens when you share a room with two other people." Also, there were the most... _peculiar_ smells coming from the kitchenette. "Hey! Naruto!"

The blonde had been stirring a pot that was boiling away on the stove but when he heard his name called, he immediately went to the main room. He blinked and asked, "Sakura-chan? What are you doing here?" The girl replied,

"I've been worried about you, silly! You haven't been eating lunch lately, and don't try and act like I wouldn't notice! So I brought you some food." She handed the bag to Naruto. The blonde gulped, a bit uneasy, and smiled,

"Thanks a lot! I'll be, um, sure to eat it..." He absent-mindedly sat the bag down.

"No problem!" Sakura smiled and turned towards the door when her foot kicked against something that made a bit of a jingling noise. "Huh? What's this?" She picked it up and saw that it was a shiny red cat's-bell. Naruto gulped,

"Um, it's nothing! But you probably should be going, ne Sakura-chan?" Sakura wasn't listening but she commented,

"This looks like the bell from my neighbor's cat's collar." She looked down at the ground and saw various random items. "Huh? This is... The collar from one of Professor Hatake's dogs. And this is the key to Professor Umino's aquarium. The studded collar from Ino's pot-bellied pig..." As Sakura went on, she didn't notice how angry the blonde was getting.

Or the growling coming from his stomach...

"Sakura... I'm kind of in the middle of something, so if you could go..." He seethed out. Sakura looked up and mistook the blonde's growing flush to be a blush.

"Oh, I see! You finally took my advice and have started playing the field! Let me see the lucky fellow!" And the pink-haired girl walked into the kitchen without so much as a nod from Naruto.

"Sakura, no!" Naruto tried to protest. But Sakura had already walked in and said,

"Hi there, I'm Sakura and... and. . ." Her eyes widened and she clamped her hands over her mouth as nausea tried to take over. There on the counter next to a boiling pot, was bloody bits of pink fur and the remains of a red tortoise-shell. "No... No, it can't be..." She whispered out as she subconsciously walked to the pot. The pink-haired girl looked into it and a few seconds later, a dog's head floated up.

"MOCHI!?!" She screamed. Silently, Naruto walked up behind her and commented,

"That 'Bubble-Gum Hair-Dye' doesn't taste like bubble-gum at all." She whipped around and saw Naruto holding a bloody butcher's knife that he randomly took licks from.

"Naruto..? Wh-What is this? M-Mochi and Kame-chan?" Kame-chan was her boyfriend, Lee's pet tortoise.

"Heh heh... I was hungry?" Naruto offered, licking up some more blood.

"What the hell is your problem?!" Sakura screamed. "You're the one who's been taking all the animals?! WHY?!" Naruto blew one of his bangs out of his face and replied,

"Like I said, I was hungry. And it's not really my fault..." He pushed Sakura out of the way and stirred his pot. "Everyone let's their pets and animals go free at random hours of the day. Something's bound to happen to them." He tasted the stew and asked, "Want some?" Sakura held back vomiting and walked away, saying,

"I'm calling the police!" In a flash, Naruto was at the door, locking it. Sakura backed up a bit when he stated,

"I can't let you do that Sakura-chan." Then Naruto looked up and Sakura saw the most horrifying blood-red eyes. "Besides, that stew needs something... And I think I just found it."

The last thing Sakura Haruno remembered was as Naruto's hands cut of her supply of oxygen, she heard Naruto's voice whisper, "I'm sorry..."

Meanwhile, deep inside Naruto's stomach, Kyuubi chuckled. "That's it my boy..." He relaxed in his new home and cackled,

"_Now I know the taste of everything that's in the world,  
But nobody will ever know what it is that I taste like...!_"

* * *

**(1) Opsomania- An obsession in which a person will only eat one certain type of food. Often bordering the line of madness. **

**(2) Amante- Mistress **

**A/N: Hey guys... **

**Deidara- I thought this was supposed to be for Thanksgiving. **

**TG- Do you know what I've had to go through at school?! I still have two essays due soon and then finals! Plus, this story took forever! It was even longer than the first one! But, peoples... Please tell me what you think. Was it awful? Was it freaky? I needs to know! So please Review if you have the time! Until next time ( I don't know when that will be because I think that I'm taking a bit of a break from the Akatsuki Horror Series until after I finish ASUE and put out a KisaIta one-shot), **

**-Tyranno's girl. **


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